I know it has been a while since I have written, three months, believe it or not. When entering my site to start this post, I realized I had an unpublished, unfinished post called “Lockdown Over. Now What?” The truth is every time I thought about writing, I just couldn’t. My emotions were all over the place and I didn’t feel like saying anything. Since March, I have had good days and bad days. Some days I am feeling hopeful and on other days a bit depressed. This pandemic is all new territory and it is hard to navigate. But it isn’t just the pandemic we are contending with. Politics, an election, police brutality, racism, divisiveness and so much more. It is overwhelming.

The summer has been a bit easier and I have experienced times of normalcy. Outdoor activities, such as golf and Alfresco dining have been good for my attitude. Walking through the streets of Boston, once empty is now filled with more people and city energy once taken for granted. Both of my boys were together, living with us for August. Despite the challenges of adult children living at home, I was happy to have them under my roof.

Today, I woke and realized it was September. Every summer I find the days whisk by and I never do all I hope to do. This summer I thought because of the restrictions on activities it would have a slower pace and I was surprised it went faster than ever before.

Regardless of my age, September always brings back the feeling of the start of school and this year is no different. Except it is!

This year I am going back to school! I am excited and scared to death.

As I have written in previous posts, I have decided to pursue my studies in Cannabis. I was accepted in the University of Maryland’s School of Pharmacy Cannabis Science and Therapeutics Master’s program. It is an online program with in-person components, however, for now, the program is all online given the pandemic.

For years, I thought of pursuing graduate studies but I never found something I was passionate enough about that I was willing to make sacrifices and juggle my very busy life. Honestly, I thought “the ship has sailed” especially as my age crept in. Then after much reflection and reading articles, books and listening to podcasts about reinventing oneself after age 50, I decided to take the plunge. I gathered my college transcripts, asked for recommendations, wrote my essay and several months later was accepted. Last week, reality sank in as I started my program. I never expected to go back to school in my 50s. I felt a range of emotions.

  • What the hell am I doing???
  • I must be nuts! What did I get myself into?
  • Reading, essays, papers, deadlines, oh my!
  • What is a concept map? How do I submit this assignment? How do I create a citation? What is Blackboard? How do I navigate an online library?

Much has changed since I went to college in the 1980s. I forgot what it feels like to have assignments hanging over my head, have writers’ block, and take quizzes. I found myself asking my sons (more frequently than they would like) all kinds of questions about online resources and how to write papers. How quickly our roles have reversed.

Here is the good news. I completed Week One and other than a few anxiety-producing moments, I felt accomplished and excited to be engaging in something I am passionate about.

Trying something new and out of your comfort zone is scary and also exhilarating and I highly encourage it. Living as a cancer survivor you learn to appreciate the time you have and often feel an urgency to take advantage of opportunities before time runs out. The coronavirus pandemic has also caused people to refocus and think about mortality.

I have set up a consulting practice with the goal of educating people on how to best use cannabis, including CBD, for wellness. It is a confusing landscape and after coaching people in the last few months I understand most people don’t know where to start. I have helped people looking to improve their sleep, reduce their arthritis pain and ease anxiety in addition to working with several cancer patients. So far, my work has been rewarding and my schooling will help me become an even more effective coach.

Bear with me if my blog writing takes a backseat to my studies over the next few months. I am trying to keep my focus and balance everything.